Monday, 18 July 2011

My first time

I always hated writing. Not the concept but the act itself. Pushing an instrument of writing across the pages.  It always felt like work. Even with a beautiful pen like Mont Blanc, furnished with gold tip and filled with deliciously red ink, it's still work. I'm good for half a page and the work starts. I'm horrified with making spelling errors, so I spell check all the time. Spell check makes mistakes too, so I flip the dictionary, just to be sure. My internal monolog is fast and very descriptive. I think in groups of ideas and by the time I write one down, I forget two others. Not productive at all. Tiring, to say the least.
Over the years of being a photographer I put together a few books, booklets, pictorial essays and I wrote in them. All of it was personal, meant for one person and hoped to be a little funny and a little observational. In time, more people than the intended one, read it, liked it and said "do you write, why don't you write, you should write more often". Your point of view is interesting and you are funny. All I could think about in those moments,were all the poor souls trying to sing or be comedians because their friends or mothers or third cousin on his mother's side told them that they were gifted. There is a small nightmare waiting to happen.
Still.. I wondered.
 Photography has been bogged down for a while. . I have been doing it for 30 years (I started when I was 3) and I'm  looking for the next move. But not putting out any creative effort or product  drives me crazy. Maybe I should write. It doesn't hurt to write. Who knows, if I put all the frustrations in my head out on paper, maybe I will feel better. Maybe. What if my writing is stupid and people will laugh.
God knows there is nothing worse in life than people laughing at you. I should be so lucky that five people would read this and laugh. I'm a funny guy so laughter should be the first and last thing I should be shooting for. You know, I feel better already.
So today is that "first time" that I write. But this is for public consumption. This is for real and when you press that "PUBLISH POST" button... everybody will know. Know WHAT?? I don't know, but they will know and the mocking will begin. Now, every word seems to be twice as important, (it isn't) and tree times as difficult (it is). Why, because it's for YOU.  And you are not even there, but I'm worried already.
Avoid X-mas rush, worry yourself NOW.
This is just an intro to me and my upcoming journey and this page took everything out of me. My wrist hurts, I have a headache, after just one page. This is going to be a long afternoon. But is it fun and it is starting to engage me in a way that I did not anticipate.
All the topics and stories that I want to get into will have to wait until my colonoscopy this week.
Between now and a possible death sentence on Thursday (which is how I view colonoscopy) I can't really think about much of anything.
If all goes well on Thursday, we going to talk about few things later.
And so goes MY FIRST TIME.
I'm going to push the button NOW.